Escaping to Disney World allows me a safe environment in which I can be myself, it allows me the opportunity to let my younger alters take the reins and have fun. It’s a place where I know I can switch freely and not worry so much at other people’s attitudes and responses. Quite simply it’s a place grown ups can go to have fun, to be there inner child and run riot, within the law of course.
For me and my little alters it provides freedom and space to have fun as if I was a little child, to stand in awe whilst watching parades and run and meet disney characters.
I am aware that whilst it’s fun for my little parts it’s also exciting for the more adventurous parts of me, those who like fast roller coasters and the like. There is space and quieter areas too which appeals to other more gentle teenage parts and there is plenty for me the adult as well. Shopping and food are two of my favourite things so I’m not stuck for choice there as restaurants and shops are plentiful.
Yet there is a more serious side to this opportunity to be more carefree about switching, the less worry allows me to let to of control of this body we all share and stop fighting and blocking my alters. It allows me a chance to try out working together with my alters, to improve internal dialogue and to work through some of those inbuilt thought mechanisms from my past.
This week I will be challenging the concept held by some of me, that having fun is dangerous and not permitted. That will mean lots of self talk, internal communication and positive affirmations.
I will also be continuing with the task set by my psychologist to not belittle myself, that means trying really hard not to use those dreaded words of ‘stupid’ or ‘silly’. Words which I tend to say too often about myself and always with a negative connotation.
So whilst all of me gets to enjoy some fun, there is a serious side to my trip as well and whilst it will be fun in parts I’m aware there will be low points too. My mood will be chaotic as I switch from one part of me to another and there is likely to be tears and possibly tantrums.
One little is desperate to see Donald and Daisy Duck another wants to see Minnie Mouse and my teen part is desperate to stroll on the beach. Lots of competing demands will make things far more interesting and challenging and I will be exhausted at the end of this trip and it will be tough to return home to a place where I feel more conscious of my switching, where life’s everyday pressures will overwhelm.
Copyright DID Dispatches 2015